Avenue Q Naruto stlye
by geishaninja
Summary: The Avenue q songs sung by the naruto characters. funny as hell, OOCness and rated M because of the songs. Includes If You Were Gay, Schadenfreude and It Sucks to Be Me and more.
1. If You Were Guy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Avenue Q. The creators are Tensai's too worthy! **

**the song is "If you were Gay" from Avenue Q. **

**If You Were Gay**

**SASUKE**

"Aah, an afternoon alone with

My favorite book, "History of The Uchiha Clan."

No teammates to bother me.

How could it get any better than this?"

**NARUTO**

"Oh,hi Sasuke-teme!"

**SASUKE**

"Go away Naruto."

**NARUTO**

"Hey Sasuke-teme you'll never

Guess what happened to

Me walking in the village this morning.

This guy was smiling at me and talking to me"

**SASUKE**

"That's very interesting."

**NARUTO**

"He was being real friendly,

And I think he was coming on to me.

I think he might've thought I was gay!"

**SASUKE**

"Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?

Why should I care?

I don't care.

What did you have for lunch today?"

**NARUTO**

"Oh, you don't have to get

All defensive about it, Sasuke…"

**SASUKE**

"I'm NOT getting defensive!

What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?

I'm trying to read."

**NARUTO**

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Sasuke.

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

**SASUKE**

"I don't want to talk about it,

Naruto! This conversation is over!!!"

**NARUTO**

"Yeah, but…"

**SASUKE**

"OVER!!!"

**NARUTO**

"Well, okay, but just so you know —

_IF YOU WERE GAY _

_THAT'D BE OKAY. _

_I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY, _

_I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY. _

_BECAUSE YOU SEE, _

_IF IT WERE ME, _

_I WOULD FEEL FREE _

_TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY _

_(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)"_

**SASUKE**

"Naruto!

I am trying to read...

What?!"

**NARUTO**

_"IF YOU WERE QUEER"_

**SASUKE**

"Naruto!"

**NARUTO**

_"I'D STILL BE HERE,"_

**SASUKE**

"Naruto, I'm trying to read"

**NARUTO**

_YEAR AFTER YEAR_

**SASUKE**

"Naruto!"

**NARUTO**

_BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR _

_TO ME,_

**SASUKE **

Argh!

**NARUTO **

_AND I KNOW THAT YOU_

**SASUKE**

"What?"

**NARUTO**

_WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,_

**SASUKE**

"I would?"

**NARUTO**

_IF I TOLD YOU TODAY, _

_"HEY! GUESS WHAT, _

_I'M GAY!" _

_(BUT I'M NOT GAY.) _

_I'M HAPPY _

_JUST BEING WITH YOU. _

_SO WHAT DOSE IT _

_MATTER TO ME _

_WHAT YOU DO IN BED _

_WITH GUYS?_

**SASUKE**

Naruto, that is WRONG!

**NARUTO**

"No it's not!"

_IF YOU WERE GAY _

_I'D SHOUT HOORAY!_

**SASUKE**

"I am not listening!"

**NARUTO**

_AND HERE I'D STAY,_

**SASUKE**

La la la la la!

**NARUTO**

_BUT I WOULDN'T GET _

_IN YOUR WAY._

**SASUKE**

Aaaah!

**NARUTO**

_YOU CAN COUNT ON ME _

_TO ALWAYS BE _

_BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY, _

_TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY, _

_YOU WERE JUST BORN _

_THAT WAY, _

_AND, AS THEY SAY, _

_IT'S IN YOUR DNA, _

_YOU'RE GAY!_

**SASUKE**

_"I AM NOT GAY!"_

**NARUTO**

"If you_ were _gay."

**SASUKE**

Argh!


	2. Schadenfreude

****

These stories have OCCness in them.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Avenue Q.

This song "Schadenfreude".

Gary coleman sung by Ino

Nicky sung by Sakura.

INO  
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

SAKURA  
I'll say.

INO:  
And when I see how sad you are  
It sort of makes me...  
Happy!

SAKURA  
Happy?!

INO  
Sorry, Forehead, human nature-  
Nothing I can do!  
It's...  
Schadenfreude!  
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

SAKURA  
Well that's not very nice, Ino pig!

INO  
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses? 

SAKURA  
Yeah...

INO  
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

SAKURA  
Sure!

INO  
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,  
Watching people out in the rain!

SAKURA  
You bet!

INO  
That's...

INO AND SAKURA  
Schadenfreude!

INO  
People taking pleasure in your pain!

SAKURA  
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?  
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

INO  
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

SAKURA  
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

INO  
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

SAKURA  
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

INO AND SAKURA  
"No!!!"  
Schadenfreude!

INO  
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

SAKURA  
Ooh, how about...  
Straight-A students getting Bs?

INO  
Exes getting STDs!

SAKURA  
Waking doormen from their naps!

INO  
Watching tourists reading maps!

SAKURA  
Football players getting tackled!

INO  
CEOs getting shackled!

SAKURA  
Watching actors never reach

INO AND SAKURA  
The ending of their oscar speech!  
Schadenfreude!  
Schadenfreude!  
Schadenfreude!  
Schadenfreude!

INO  
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.  
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great.

SAKURA  
Sure!  
We provide a vital service to society!

INO AND SAKURA  
You and me!  
Schadenfreude!  
Making the world a better place...  
Making the world a better place...  
Making the world a better place...  
To be!

INO  
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!


	3. It Sucks to Be You

****

New song "It Sucks to Be You" This song is very OCC I'll try to make it as ninja as possible but the ending is going to be more like the song and naruto and gaara live together like Rod and nicky do.

Kate monster- Ino

Brian- Sasuke 

Rod- Naruto

Nicky- Gaara

Christmas Eve( wtf?)- Sakura

Princeton- Kiba

Gary Coleman- Rock Lee

I do not own Naruto or the Avenue Q songs.

INO  
Morning, Sasuke!

SASUKE  
Hi, Ino.

INO  
How's life?

SASUKE  
Disappointing!

INO  
What's the matter?

SASUKE  
I haven't had any missions in weeks

INO  
Oh, I'm sorry!

SASUKE  
Me too! I mean, look at me!  
I'm ten years out of being a jonin, and I  
always thought -

INO  
What?

SASUKE  
No, it sounds stupid.

INO  
Aww, come on!

SASUKE  
When I was little  
I thought I would be...

INO  
What?

SASUKE  
The new leader of my clan  
But now I'm thirty-two  
And as you can see  
I'm not

INO  
Nope!

SASUKE  
Oh Well,  
It sucks to be me.

INO  
Nooo.

SASUKE  
It sucks to be me.

INO  
No!

SASUKE  
It sucks to be broke  
and unemployed  
and turning thirty-three.  
It sucks to be me.

INO  
Oh, you think your life sucks?

SASUKE  
I think so.

INO  
Your problems aren't so bad!  
I'm kinda pretty  
And pretty damn smart.

SASUKE  
You are.(cough)

INO  
Thanks!  
I like romantic things  
Like music and art.  
And as you know  
I have a gigantic heart  
So why don't I have  
A boyfriend?  
Fuck!  
It sucks to be me!

SASUKE  
Me too.

INO  
It sucks to be me.

SASUKE  
It sucks to be me.  
It sucks to be Sasuke...

INO  
And Ino...

SASUKE  
To not have a job!

INO  
To not have a date!

BOTH  
It sucks to be me.

SASUKE  
Hey, Naruto, Gaara, can you  
settle something for us?  
Do you have a second?

NARUTO  
Ah, certainly.

INO  
Whose life sucks more?  
Sasukeor mine?

GAARA AND NARUTO  
Ours!

NARUTO  
We live together.

GAARA  
We're as close  
As people can get.

NARUTO  
We've been the best  
of buddies...

GAARA  
Ever since the  
Day he bet me.(sorry)   
So he knows lots  
Of ways to make me  
Really upset.  
Oh, every day is  
An aggravation.

NARUTO  
Come on, that's  
an exaggeration!

GAARA  
You leave your  
clothes out.  
You put your feet  
On my chair.

NARUTO  
Oh yeah?  
You do such anal  
Things like ironing  
Your underwear.

GAARA  
You make that very  
Small apartment  
We share a hell.

NARUTO  
So do you,  
That's why I'm in hell too!

GAARA  
It sucks to be me!

NARUTO  
No, it sucks to be me!

INO  
It sucks to be me!

SASUKE  
It sucks to be me!

ALL  
Is there anybody here  
It doesn't suck to be?  
It sucks to be me!

SAKURA  
Why you all so happy?

GAARA  
Becuase our lives suck!

SAKURA  
Your lives suck?  
I hearing you correctly? Ha!  
I coming to this country  
For opportunities.  
Tried to work in  
Korean deli  
But I am Japanese.  
But with hard work  
I earn two Master's Degrees  
In social work!  
And now I a therapist!  
But I have no clients  
And I have an  
Unemployed fiance'!  
And we have lots  
Of bills to pay!  
It suck to be me!  
It suck to be me!  
I say it  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-  
Suck!  
It suck to be me!

KIBA  
Excuse me?

SASUKE  
Hey there.

KIBA  
Sorry to bother you, but I'm  
looking for a place to live.

SAKURA  
Why you looking all  
the way out here?

KIBA  
Well, I started at Avenue A,  
but so far everything is out  
of my price range. But this  
neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!  
Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!

SASUKE  
You need to talk to  
the superintendent.  
Let me get him.

KIBA  
Great, thanks!

SAKURA  
Yo, Lee!

ROCK LEE  
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

KIBA  
Oh my God!  
It's Rock Lee!(ahhh)

ROCK LEE  
Yes I am!  
I'm Rock Lee  
From TV's  
Diff'rent Strokes  
I made a lotta money  
That got stolen  
By my folks!  
Now I'm broke and  
I'm the butt  
Of everyone's jokes,  
But I'm here -  
The Superintendent!  
On Avenue Q -

(A/N ok I just wanted to leave those lines alone)

ALL  
It sucks to be you.  
\

INO  
You win!

ALL  
It sucks to be you.

SASUKE  
I feel better now!

ROCK LEE  
Try having people  
stopping you to ask you  
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"  
It gets old.

ALL  
It sucks to be you  
On Avenue Q  
(Sucks to be me)- girls  
On Avenue Q  
(Sucks to be you)-girls  
On Avenue Q  
(Sucks to be us)-girls  
But not when  
We're together.  
We're together  
Here on Avenue Q!  
We live on Avenue Q!  
Our friends do too!  
'Til our dreams  
Come true,  
We live on Avenue Q!

KIBA  
This is real life!

ALL  
We live on Avenue Q!

NARUTO  
You're gonna love it!

ALL  
We live on Avenue Q!

ROCK LEE  
Here's your keys!

ALL  
Welcome to Avenue Q!


	4. 2 short songs

****

2 Avenue Q songs I this chapter because there really short.

" What Do You Do With a B.A. in English" sung by Orochimaru. (Don't hate me.) **this one was hard to changes**

&

****

" I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today" sung by Naruto.

What do you do with as long ranking ninja.

What is my life going to be?  
Forty years of training and plenty of knowledge,  
Have earned me this useless ranking.

I can't pay the bills yet,  
'Cause I have no skills yet,  
The world is a big scary place.

But somehow I can't shake,  
The feeling I might make,  
A difference,  
To the missing ninja race.

(A/N **god I am not happy with this one)**

****

"I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today"

Naruto  
I'm not wearing underwear today,  
No I'm not wearing underwear today  
Not that you probably care  
Much about my underwear  
Still none the less I gotta say  
That I'm not wearing underwear today

Sakra  
Getta Job! 

Naruto

Thank you.. Sakura?


	5. Everyones a Little Bit Racist

****

New song "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist"

Princeton- Naruto

Kate- Sakura

Gary Coleman- Sasuke

Brian- Rock Lee

Christmas Eve- Ten Ten um Christmas Eve is foreign in the story and I think Ten Ten's more Chinese which makes her foreign in Japan(aka naruto world)

No pairings in this story but some of the Avenue Q characters do live together and/are marryed. Also im going to skip the whole talking part with Princeton/Naruto and Kate/Sakura.

NARUTO  
You see?!

You're a little bit racist.

SAKURA  
Well, you're a little bit too.

NARUTO  
I guess we're both a little bit racist.

SAKURA  
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

NARUTO  
But I guess it's true.

SAKURA  
Between me and you,  
I think

Both:  
Everyone's a little bit racist  
Sometimes.  
Doesn't mean we go  
Around committing hate crimes.  
Look around and you will find  
No one's really color blind.  
Maybe it's a fact  
We all should face  
Everyone makes judgments  
Based on race.

NARUTO  
Now not big judgments, like who to hire  
or who to buy ramen from -

SAKURA  
No!

NARUTO  
No, just little judgments like thinking that Orochimaru should stop molesting kids and make them into his teams.(A/N not really Racism but I think he dose that.)

SAKURA  
Right!

Both:  
Everyone's a little bit racist  
Today.  
So, everyone's a little bit racist  
Okay!  
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,  
But you laugh because  
They're based on truth.  
Don't take them as  
Personal attacks.  
Everyone enjoys them -  
So relax!

NARUTO  
All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

SAKURA  
Okay!

NARUTO  
There's a plan going down and there's only  
one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

SAKURA  
And a Uchiha:

SASUKE  
Whatda you talking about, Sakura?

SAKURA  
Uh...

SASUKE  
You were telling an Uchiha joke!

NARUTO  
Well, sure, teme, but lots of people tell those kinds of jokes.

SASUKE  
I don't.

NARUTO  
Well, of course you don't - you're one of them!  
But I bet you tell Orochimaru jokes, right?

SASUKE  
Well, sure I do. Those stupid Orochimaru clones!

NARUTO  
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

SASUKE  
Well, damn, I guess you're right.

SAKURA  
You're a little bit racist.

SASUKE

Well, you're a little bit too.

NARUTO  
We're all a little bit racist.

SASUKE  
I think that I would  
Have to agree with you.

NARUTO AND SAKURA  
We're glad you do.

SASUKE  
It's sad but true!  
Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

SAKURA  
All right!

NARUTO  
All right!

SASUKE  
All right!  
Bigotry has never been  
Exclusively white

All:  
If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
Even though we all know  
That it's wrong,  
Maybe it would help us  
Get along.

NARUTO  
Oh, Christ do I feel good.

SASUKE  
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

NARUTO  
Who?

SASUKE  
Jesus Christ.

SAKURA  
But, Gary, Jesus was white.

SASUKE  
No, Jesus was black.

SAKURA  
No, Jesus was white.

SASUKE  
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

NARUTO  
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

ROCK LEE  
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

NARUTO  
Racism!

ROCK LEE  
Cool.

TEN TEN  
LEE! Come back here!  
You take out lecycuraburs!

NARUTO  
What's that mean?

ROCK LEE  
Um, recyclables.  
Hey, don't laugh at her!  
How many languages do you speak?

SAKURA  
Oh, come off it, Lee!  
Everyone's a little bit racist.

ROCK LEE  
I'm not!

NARUTO  
Oh no?

ROCK LEE  
Nope!

NARUTO

HA

ROCK LEE  
How many Oriental wives  
Have you got?

TEN TEN  
What? Lee!

NARUTO  
bushy brow, where you been?  
The term is Asian-Japanese!(**roys-neko heheh)** (sorry)

TEN TEN  
I know you are no  
Intending to be..e.ee  
But calling me Oriental -  
Offensive to me!

ROCK LEE  
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

TEN TEN  
And I love you.

ROCK LEE  
But you're racist, too.

TEN TEN  
Yes, I know.  
The Jews have all  
The money  
And the whites have all  
The power.  
And I'm always in taxi-cab  
With driver who no shower!

NARUTO  
Me too!

SAKURA  
Me too!

SASUKE  
I can't even get a taxi!

All:  
Everyone's a little bit racist  
It's true.  
But everyone is just about  
As racist as you!  
If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
And everyone stopped being  
So PC  
Maybe we could live in -  
Harmony!

TEN TEN  
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!


	6. The Internet Is For Porn

This song The internet is for Porn!

**Jiraiya**

Princeton- Kakashi

Gary- Rock Lee

Brain- Neji

Rod- Sasuke

Nicky- Naruto

I do not own Naruto or Avenue Q.

SAKURA  
The internet is really really great

JIRAIYA

For porn

SAKURA  
I've got a fast connection so i don't have to wait

JIRAIYA  
For porn

SAKURA  
Huh?  
There's always some new site,

JIRAIYA  
For porn!

SAKURA

I browse all day and night

JIRAIYA  
For porn!

SAKURA  
It's like i'm surfing at the speed of light

JIRAIYA  
For porn!

SAKURA  
Jiraiya!

JIRAIYA

The internet is for porn

SAKURA  
Jiraiya!

JIRAIYA  
The internet is for porn,

SAKURA  
What are you doing!?

JIRAIYA  
Why you think the net was born?  
Porn porn porn

KATE  
Jirai—ya!

JIRAIYA  
Oh hello Sakura-Chan

SAKURA  
You are ruining my song

JIRAIYA  
Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to

SAKURA  
Well if you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish?

JIRAIYA  
Me no talkie

SAKURA  
Good  
I'm glad we have this new technology

JIRAIYA  
For porn

SAKURA  
Which gives us untold opportunity

JIRAIYA  
For por—oops, sorry

SAKURA  
Right from you own desktop

JIRAIYA  
For ---

SAKURA  
You can research, browse and shop  
Until you've had enough and your ready to stop

JIRAIYA

FOR PORN!!

SAKURA  
Jiraiya!

JIRAIYA  
The internet is for porn!

SAKURA  
Noooo

JIRAIYA  
The internet if for porn!

SAKURA  
Jiraiya

JIRAIYA  
Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!

SAKURA  
That's gross you're a pervert

JIRAIYA  
Ah, sticks and stones Sakura-Chan

SAKURA  
NO really, your a pervert  
Normal people don't sit at home and look  
At porn on the internet

JIRAIYA  
Ohhhh?

SAKURA  
What?!

JIRAIYA  
You have no idea  
Ready normal people?

NORMAL PEOPLE(the guys)  
Ready--- ready ----ready

JIRAIYA  
Let me hear it!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!

KAKASHI  
Sorry Sakura

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!

KAKASHI  
I masturbate!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
All these guys unzip their flies  
For porn, porn, porn!

SAKURA  
The internet is not for porn!!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
PORN!, PORN, P---

SAKURA  
HOLD ON A SECOND!  
Now I know for a fact that you, Sasuke, check your portfolio and trade stocks online

SASUKE  
Yes.

SAKURA  
And Neji, you buy things on Sure!

SAKURA  
And Lee, you keep selling your possesions on Ebay

LEE  
Yes I do!

SAKURA  
And KAKASHI, you sent me that sweet online birthday card

KAKASHI  
True!

JIRAIYA  
Oh, but Sakura-  
What you think he do . . .after? hmm?

KAKASHI  
. .yeah

SAKURA  
EEEWWWWW!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!

SAKURA  
Gross!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
The internet is for porn!

SAKURA  
I hate porn

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
Grab your dick and double click

SAKURA  
I hate you men!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
For porn, porn, porn!  
(harmonizing) porn, porn, porn, porn

SAKURA

I'm leaving!

JIRAIYA AND GUYS  
Porn, porn, porn, porn  
porn, porn, porn, porn

SAKURA  
I hate the internet!

JIRAIYAAND GUYS  
Porn, porn, porn, porn

JIRAIYA  
The internet is for

JIRAIYA AND SOME  
The internet is for

JIRAIYAAND ALL  
The internet is for PORN!

JIRAIYA  
YEAH!

My Friend helped me with the characters

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW PLESAE


	7. story updated

**Ok this is an important notice, because for some reason people are crazy. Lately I have been getting the email alerts saying that people have been Favoriting and adding my stories to their alerts.**

**Now I always check the last time the story was updated the story to see if the author have updated recently and it show that the author is working on the story and more chapters are likely to come soon. **

**If anyone hasn't noticed I havent updated any of my stories since 2007. Its 2009 people im not going to be writing any more chapters for any of my story. And I have no intention of doing so.**

**If any one wants to take over my stories just ask and I'll consider (yeah Im most likely going to let you have it)**


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